Just some thoughts.....

You know when you are given the diagnosis of cancer your first thoughts are oh know this can't be. Then you see the doctor who gives you your stage and if it is curable. I remember that day talking with my Gyn Oncologist and he is telling me I am curable not to be upset. This can be cured. So you get peace about yourself and know it is curable. So you prepare yourself for the road ahead. They write you a prescription for a treatment plan. I think okay I can do this I will take these treatments and at the end I will be cured. What they don't tell you is the in between and the what if's. I do understand why. You have to be so positive through this entire plan. I have to push the what if's out everyday. On Wednesday when I had the reaction to the chemo, boy did that send up a bunch of what if's. What if the next time it is worse. What if my body can't handle anymore of this drug? These are the thoughts I have to push out of my mine. I cannot allow them to take up residency in my mind because it will allow poison in and interfere with the treatment. Sometimes we can be our worse enemy. I say all this for a reason believe it or not. You have to be positive! Not a time to focus on anything negative or listen to anyone who is negative. If you know someone who is in this fight please encourage them to be positive. When people are negative that is the worse thing someone can do or be around someone in a fight for their life. There are some wonderful support groups. CancerCare; American Cancer Society, just to name a few. And of course our Heavenly Father.

I have recevied several cards and letters not just from individuals but also from Church's all over that they are praying for me. I cry everytime I open one. Just knowing that someone or people are praying for me! That is an awesome feeling and I am so thankful.

3rd chemo treatment down

Wednesday was my 3rd chemo day. I started off really good. I had a friend come and sit with me during my treatment so we had a great visit. I am so thankful she was there and really enjoyed our visit. She brought me home afterwards.

Once I got home probably within an hour I was in the bed sick with flu like symptoms, headache, etc. Not a normal reaction for me after chemo. By midnight I was running a fever. Several of my friends on Facebook prayed for me and I am so thankful. I woke around 5 with a low grade fever and took some tylenol and by 8 by fever was gone. I have since then broke out in a rash and my face and ears are on fire. So on more meds (something I don't like) but hopefully they will work.

So it is Thursday and I am in the bed again. But I am getting closer to being done. On Tuesday they are going to put in a pic line so I will not have to keep getting stuck. So I am dealing with that so I will be ready on Tuesday. Good news is I have 3 days off radiation due to the holiday Monday. So I will have a little break. Well I am going to rest some more for now, Have a great afternoon.

I have enjoyed this day. I ended up staying longer at the hospital. They did my lab work and I had to wait for the results. So I was busy texting, I had a friend waiting to meet me for lunch. There was a lady also waiting in the waiting area with me. She would speak to me and I would converse back and then go back to my texting. A few minutes later she came and sat beside me, she said she felt moved to come and share with me that she has had several family members have cancer and survive. Including her mother who is 94 years old. We started talking and she asked me my name and said she would put it on their prayer list at church. When she got ready to leave she hugged me. Isn't it so amazing how God puts people in our lives.

My lab results were good, which is great, but still no explanation for my pain.

Left the hospital and met my friend at Atlanta Bread Company for lunch. The food was terrific and the company was awesome. We were able to get caught up on each others lives. She is also a cancer survivor and what a wonderful blessing she is to me. So funny, we just got reaquainted on Facebook just a few months ago. I believe God brought her back into my life because He knew what I was about to be going thru and knew she would be a blessing. God has surrounded me with such awesome people. All encouragers!

Well after a nice long lunch I was able to get a lot of work done. Then I sat outside with Carter and even went to the lake and watched him fish for a little while. I guess all the sleep paid off, because I came in and started cleaning. Did I overdo it? Probably, but I enjoyed myself. Tomorrow is round 3 of Chemo the halfway mark. I also see the medical oncologist tomorrow.

Well I am going to unwind and get a good nights rest. Have a super evening.

Life is ....

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
Mother Teresa

Happiness

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way.
So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one."
Souza

Supposes

Our lives are full of supposes. Suppose this should happen, or suppose that should happen; what could we do; how could we bear it? But, if we are living in the high tower of the dwelling place of God, all these supposes will drop out of our lives. We shall be quiet from the fear of evil, for no threatenings of evil can penetrate into the high tower of God. Even when walking through the valley of the shadow of death, the psalmist could say, will fear no evil; and, if we are dwelling in God, we can say so too.

Hannah Whitall Smith

Tuesday May 25, 2010

Hope everyone had a super Monday. I did. Wow, that is the first day I have felt so good in along time. I met a friend and we had breakfast downtown and heard Karen Handel for Governor. I liked the way she thinks. This was a first time ever attending something like this and was so glad my friend went with me. Because you know if she hadn't I wouldn't have gone. Friends are the BEST. My goal is to do all the things I want to do and not to make excuses as to why I can't do them. Life is such a wonderful experience I don't want to miss out on any of it.

I met with my Radiologist Oncologist also on Monday. Looks like my treatment is working. My pain level has decresed alot from last week.

The Mary Kay Happy Hour was a blast I had 5 guest. WOW, that was awesome. I have such great friends they came and had an awesome time.

I did not think I was going to make it to the Mary Kay Event. I had an sudden onset of pain in my left shoulder neck region. It almost feels as if I broke something. Even with taking pain medication it still hurts. When I go in for radiation today I have to stop by my medical oncologist's office and let them check it out.

I have to say Monday has been my best day yet. I felt great, enjoyed the day and loved being with my family and friends.

Today I am attending a jewelry party at ABC and also meeting a friend for lunch there as well. So I am looking forward to this as well. Then of course work. So looks like another great day.

Have a super Tuesday. Remember to enjoy the day. When things get stressed step back and breathe then embrass the day, it is yours to make something out of it.

Good Monday Morning 5/24

Hope you had an enjoyable weekend. Made some good memories with the family. All in all I had a terrific weekend. I have been basically in the bed since Friday. I guess God knew I must of needed to catch up on alot of rest that I have depleted my body of over the years. I have never been one to just sit still, but have learned to do so. Now teaching my body to accept it is another thing. I have decided on good days to do a little more exercise so my body does not get so sore from being still. Our bodies were not made just to sit or lay. Carter was sick on Saturday with a stomach virus and then I had a severe headache and then on Sunday Headache and severe nausea. So I think I ended up with what he had so it had me in the bed a little longer. I have learned that my husband truly does love me. Wow, he has waited on me hand and foot. Cooked terrific dinners and done laundry, kept the kitchen cleaned and living room. No he is not for lease (lol). I also got to spend a little bit of time with my grandbabies this weekend. They are growing and boy are they just so precious. Carter enjoyed them coming over as well gave him someone to play with besides Wayne and I. (lol) I have found that they love to feel important too. He has learned to get a wash clothe and wet it and bring it to me. Makes him feel as though he is helping, which he is. I needed something to drink yesterday and was about to call dad in and he said no don't call Dad, wait just one minute, he left the room and came back with a bottle of water and the biggest smile on his face. God has truly blessed me. So as you can see it was a wonderful weekend.

Today, I feel alot better. My body is sore from being in the bed some moving around should help. I have a breakfast I am going to Downtown this morning to hear a candidate who is running for Governor speak. I have never attended anything like this in the past. I have a feeling I will be doing alot of things that I have never done before. I also have my Mary Kay Happy Hour party tonight and it looks like I have almost 10 guest. My goal is to have 10 there so I am so excited.

I have met so many wonderful people in the past few weeks. Sometimes life seems so hard and sometimes cold but remember there are people out there that truly care. I am so thankful for being able to see it and appreciate it. Have a super Monday!

The guys are down swimming in the lake. It looks like so much fun. Carter got to play in the waterhose while Wayne mowed the yard. Then he so knocked on the door and said he needed a couple of towels they were going to swim. I handed him the towels and he called out to his dad don't jump in yet. I got us a couple of towels. So sweet. I wish I could be out there with them. Looks like so much fun.

Today is my resting day. So not able to do much, I should have slept I am so tired but just did not want to sleep.

Friday May 21, 2010

Good Friday Morning.

Hope you all are having a beautiful day. My day has started kinda slow, which in a way is a good thing. I made it thru the whole night without pain medicine. Woke up at 7:21 am which is awesome, but, I am definitely sick, not bad though. I started my antibiotics last night so hopefully I started soon enough. My breakfast this morning - Carnation Instant Breakfast mixed with soy milk (can't handle whole milk) and whole wheat toast with peanut butter, honey and bananas. Hopefully not to much protein. I just want to make sure I don't end up like last week. So I am pushing plenty of fluids. I have my orange juice in the freezer.

Hope everyone has great plans for the weekend. I think I will start working on my crafts more. Looking forward to church Sunday. We have several that will be Baptized. Monday going to an event with a friend of mine in the morning. Then my big event Monday Night - Mary Kay Happy Hour. Will be doing makeovers. I have so many that are helping me reach my goal of 30 faces for the month of May. If you are in the Valdosta Area and do not have a consultant please visit my facebook event page and RSVP or leave me a message. Mary Kay has a new meaning to me they are a company that does so much to help women in so many ways. If you are not familiar with this company I pray you will take some time to find out more about them. There is way more to it than make up.

Enjoy your Friday. I know I am going to. Have a super blessed day.

God of our life

God of our life, there are days when the burdens we carry chafe our shoulders and weigh us down; when the road seems dreary and endless, the skies grey and threatening; when our lives have no music in them, and our hearts are lonely, and our souls have lost their courage. Flood the path with light, run our eyes to where the skies are full of promise; tune our hearts to brave music; give us the sense of comradeship with heroes and saints of every age; and so quicken our spirits that we may be able to encourage the souls of all who journey with us on the road of life, to Your honour and glory.

Augustine

Hope everyone has had a great day. I did enjoy today. God keeps blessing me with wonderful people. I have met so many new people and they all have an awesome story to tell. They are encouragers.

Carter had a great day at his party today. He was so tired, he finally just fell asleep (9:40 pm). I am not to far behind him. I started my antibiotics tonight. Hopefully I started them in time and this will be a quick cold to pass and not bring down my blood count.

I had a wonderful person bring over Hot Peach Cobbler. Oh yea, it was awesome. Expecially with Vanilla Ice Cream. My friend Jenny came over and spent the afternoon with me also. I always enjoy our time together. Wayne is tending to his farm on farmville. I believe I will call it a night.

Find Your Pretty Place!

Find Your Pretty Place!

Thursday May 20, 2010

Today is another beautiful day. Carter has his party at school today. It was so much fun seeing his excitement about today's event. They are going to have a huge waterslide and he had to share with me what he was going to do and I believed him. I had him promise me when he left he was going to have his best day ever, listen and follow all the rules and be safe.

Last night I did not get to sleep until late. The side effects of the medicine. Not complaining though, I got caught up on alot of my scanning. That is the next thing Wayne will learn to do. I just like going thru everything that has been keyed as a double check before it gets scanned and shredded. Old school I know. This morning I woke up and picked up the living room, swept and mopped it. I know I don't need to over do it. The steriods are working and I need them to last. Wayne asked was I going to over do it today. Of course I said "no". Have some shakes and nausea today, if that is all it is a great day. I love feeling like I can walk around the house and not get tired going room to room.

Have to go for my radiation in a little while and maybe visit with my friend if she is there for her treatment. Need to call in and see about getting started on some antibiotics have a little sinus issue going on and don't want it to get out of control.

Will stop back by later. Have a super blessed day.

9:05 am and have already had my radiation treatment, lab work and IV going. Superb care here at the Pearlman Cancer Center. I could not ask for a better team.

Wednesday 5/19/10

Well 1 week down and 5 to go. Yesterday turned out to be a very good day. I actually felt better. My friend Jenny came over after my radiation treatment and we spent the afternoon together. She also cleaned and decorated my living room. My sister was put in the hospital last night. She does not have enough oxygen in her lungs. I wanted to go and see her today while I am at the hospital but cannot due to my immune system can't be low.

I got a few good tips yesterday on high protein foods.

I am so blessed to have such awesome friends. I am so thankful for everyone and their encouragement. It means the world to me and it does help. When you surround yourself with such wonderful and positive people you don't get the chance to be down, or if you do it is not for long because one of you are going to come right along and pick me up.

My husband - wow, I have been blessed. That is an understatement. You know I have given him such a hard time for 22 years (and still do) but when push comes to shove he has clung to my side and done whatever is needed.

Well I need to get off of here and get ready for my chemo date. Have a super day. I will have my laptop with me.

Tuesday May 18, 2010

It has been a few days since I have updated anything. Yes, I did make it to the Peach Festival. What was I thinking. Again, one of those times I must not have beeen thinking. I did make it thru the whole day. So thankful for my friends who helped me, also those who stopped by and gave me words of encouragement. I need those words so much and I hold on to them more than you think. My Chemo Doctor even was out there and he was pretty impressed that I was out there.

I have been in the bed everysince I made it home from the Festival. I was not for sure if I was going to be able to drive home but I did it. I have gone from 2 pain pills a day to one every 3 1/2 hours. The fatigue is terrible. No energy to hardly hold my head up. My daughter took me to my radiation treatment on Monday, either her or Wayne will take me today. I still have a good appetite. Those that know me, I think it will take alot to prevent me from eating. I have started drinking Ensures for the protien Also had sliced banana's yesterday dipped into peanut butter. Please feel free to share with me any high protien (energy) foods. I missed my Mary Kay meeting and WMU meeting last night. I pray I will soon adjust and can do more. Right now I need to take time for my body to adjust (It is not use to this at all) and then hopefully will be able to do a little more.
My goal this week is to make it to church Sunday. I believe we are having baptism and I surely do not want to miss this for anything.

I am going to get Carter's snack ready for school and get him and Wayne up. Will post maybe more later.

I think I am going to lay back down for a little while. My radiation isn't until 10:45 so I think I will nap a little.

Day 3 after Chemo Friday

I want you to know I am not complaining, my goal is to write out as much about what is happening in hoping it will help someone else understand what is happening and that it is okay.

I woke up as normal to go to the bathroom I am finding it sometimes harder to go so I have to turn the water on this does help. Then I go get back in the bed and try to get comfortable and guess what, yep, the pain is back. I can only relate it to emptying my bladder. So then of course you have to get up again and take something. I use to would just get up because I hurt so bad. Now I have learned to take my medicine and sleep another hour or so. I thought I was never going to get to sleep last night I had severe hiccups which is a side effect of the emends (nausea med for after chemo) I take this for 3 days each week. Of course it also caused severe acid reflux. I have discovered since receiving the chemo I have difficulty in swallowing. Very hard to eat unless I am able to drink to wash my food down. Will have to ask about this today. I do feel short of breath today and shakey. Hoping this wont last long. I have my radiation treatment today at 10:45. Then back here to finish my work. Will definitely consider a nap today since tomorrow is the Peach Festival.

I am fixing me some toast. I cannot stand the shakey feeling. And this horrible taste in my mouth. I did buy some pepermints and lemon drops. Thank you again for all your prayers. God is here with me every step of the way. Thanks to all my church family for calling me yesterday and checking on me as well as my dear family and friends. I am going to eat my toast and honey and see about getting Carter all ready for school.

Thursday 5/13/10

Went in for my radiation treatment. Picked out my wig, now having 2nd thoughts on it, but that is okay. My friend was having her chemo today so I sat with her and we had a great visit. I have felt really great today. Left from there and went to the mall to deliver Mary Kay to my customers and dear friends. Ran into my good frined from church we had a great visit. Also, visited with another dear friend of mine that works at the mall. Wayne ended up calling me, he was concerned. When I left the house this morning I was only going to be gone for a little while and ended up most of the day.

While I was at the hospital I told the person in radiation that I felt actually really good today. He informed me that you usually don't have side effects from the chemo until 3 to 4 days afterward. I thought wow, I did not know this and would have to find out what is ahead. So while I was with my friend in chemo. The hospital calls my cell phone and it is the chemo dept wanted to follow up with me and see how I was doing. I asked them about the reaction from chemo that hits about 4 days later, she confirmed and said I could expect my bone morrow suppression, fatigue, shortness of breath, and my wbc to decrease. Wow they know how to bust your bubble huh. I told her I was planning on having a booth at the Peach Festival and she was very hesitant. Said I needed plenty of shade and of course to be careful of any illnesses as my immune system would be week. Also, reminded me to take my temperature.

Now I am home and going to spend some time with the family and see what I can throw together for dinner.

Day 2 after first chemo treatment

Doing good. I ended up finally going to sleep after 10 last night. Woke up hurting and nausea around 3:30 took my meds and was able to go back to sleep. Wayne was going to let me sleep in, but when the alarm went off I woke up so decided to let him sleep. Made coffee and toast, hoping the toast would help my nausea till my other medicine kicked in and it did. I even put a little honey on it to help increase my energy. Loaded the dishwasher. Then I heard something behind me and jumped. Wayne was up not to long after here comes Carter. Such a beautiful morning. We were all able to spend time this morning together before Wayne had to take little man to school.

I am going to get some work done this morning before I go in for my radiation treatment and then back here to finish up on my work. I am excited about Saturday. That is the Peach Festival Day in Morven. I will have a booth and the way things look I should feel pretty good.

I have worked for years on losing weight, now I cannot believe I am saying I do not want to lose any. Funny how things change, our thoughts, our vision, our purpose.

Well I am going to go for now. Have a super blessed day I know I am.

My After Effects

Okay, so I have been in the bed all afternoon. Can't do much, so tired. My eyes want to close. I actually let them close for a little while. Wayne picked Carter up from school then he went to Publix to pick up my medicine. When they got home they went out on the boat. So I had plenty of time to rest. But I have fought it. I just called the after hours number and spoke with an Medical Oncologist. Very nice, understanding and patient. I have a funny feeling in my chest. Which is more than likely nervousness and anxiety, also a little quesy feeling. He said the chemo would make me tired and probably tomorrow when I wake up I will still be a little tired from it. Told me to go ahead and take my medicine for nausea and he said it would make me sleepy to go ahead and rest.
Wayne is going to get him and Carter some chinese to eat. I had him make me some grits. I know no protein in there, but I am thinking bland right now. I also have a slight headache which that is also a side effect from one of my medicines as well. But these are mild and I am so thankful.

Love my phonecalls and all my messages today.

"Treatment Time"

Arrived at the Pealman Cancer center and checked in at the front desk. The Receptionist is the best. She greets you smiling, just seems so happy and positive. She handed me my necklace, which is basically my nametag with info so I don't have to get a wristband each visit. They took me back for my blood work. Of course my veins wanted to be difficult. She finally was able to get blood but it was very slow then of course it stopped so she had to stick me again. Then I went to a different waiting room and there was a person waiting on her loved one so we engaged in a coversation. Very positive person and I enjoyed talking with her it was just a short time then they left. 9 am and I am still waiting. Did not take my full dose of pain medication was not for sure on taking my medications this morning. I know my pain is just temporary. Praying my body will respond well to todays treatment. I have to say waiting is the hardest part. I am ready to get started. The nurse came out and informed me they were waiting on the dr to call her back my platlet count was 94 and that was low. On Friday it was 118, so immediately I am questioned why so low. A few minutes later she came out and said we were going ahead with treatment. Come to find out the only reason they could think of it being low was because of the blood draw being so slow.
So she went ahead and started my IV. States I probably wont be here 7 hours. We talked about my hair. I told her the Dr in Savannah told me I would not lose my hair. She was not for sure she had only seen 1 person with the same time of chemo not lose theirs. So be prepared. I went ahead and took my Emends for nausea. Radiation came and took me back for my treatment. The people here are so nice and understanding. Radiation department went to work right away double checking my measurements, taking xrays, etc. I all of a sudden felt funny. I thought maybe a reaction to the medication. I of course had probably a panic/anxiety attack. Plus I had a full bladder. As soon as they were through checking my measurements and xrays they let me relieve myself. I felt so much better. The radiation was a breeze. Did not feel anything and it was pretty quick. On the way back to chemo they explained the tatoo's and explained I needed to think about it and let them know.

So now back in chemotherapy and they have given me my pre chemo meds in the IV. So it will not be long for the actual chemo. So far so good. They just came by for my lunch order. Every Wednesday is Turkey on Wheat.

Well I am off for now. Hopefully I will be able to let you know later I am just fine with little to no side affects.

Wow, before 12:30 I think I was done. So far no problems, I say that is awesome and to God be all the glory. Thank you for your prayers and continued prayers. Right now I am very tired, my eyes want to shut on me. Thanks to the Decadron I have a bottomless pit (steriods) Carter's teacher sent home a plate of cookies and they are very good. I am about to move myself to the bedroom away from the temptation. I do need to drink plenty of fluids. So I am working on that. I just received my candlee of the the month "French Vanilla". I will have that to take with me to the Peach Festival this weekend in Morven.

The Cancer Center gave me a book "When Mama Wore A Hat". I will read it, something they gave me to read to Carter since it does look like I will lose some or all of my hair. Well I am going to lay down and rest.

Wednesday "The Day" 5/12/10

Today is finally here - I start my chemo and radiation. Finally receiving treatment that is going to get this dreadful disease out of me. I spoke with CancerCare yesterday and they asked me who is my support system? I replied my family, friends and of course my Lord and Savior. I could not make it thru this day without all of you! God Bless each one of you today!

I had rec'd a letter from the Vice President of Sales in Mary Kay this week, Gary Jinks, along with that letter was a DVD "With Hope and Courage" I finally watched it last night. It is such an encouragement to me. God has put people in my life at the right time. I needed to watch that last night. Actually I thought this morning I would be so scared I would be sick. I am not. I have peace about me right now. I am going to be cured. What I am doing today is going to rid my body of a horrible disease. There are so many that have gone before me into treatment, I am not the first person. I am going to make the best of today. So thankful I can take my laptop. (Pray they have wi-fi, lol). I know I have this peace today because of everyone God has placed in my life. Your prayers, the encouraging words, your smiles.

I just heard something break on the patio. Sorry I had to get up and look. A squirrel knocked down the light house that was hanging. Anyways.

I will drive myself to the hospital this morning, since I have to be there at the same time Carter has to be at school. Then we will figure out how I will get home. My prayer is of course that I will do just fine with all this medicine that they are putting in me and I will be able to drive.

I have to go and finish getting ready. I will return in a little while once they get me settled in. (depending on wi-fi)

Chemo class

Well we (hubby and I) attended Chemo class this morning. Alot of information. They handed me a notebook when I arrived. The notebook had specific information about me in it and of course generic info as well. I learned alot. WBC (White blood cells) they are our bodies Army. They seek and destroy (kill bacteria and cancer cells) They only live 2 - 8 hours. RBC (Red blood cells) are our bodies Fed EX system. Impressive, huh!

Cancer produces an enzyme that can cause fatigue, low energy, nausea and throwing up.

After starting chemo I will have to take my tempature 2 times a day. In the morning and in the afternoon. If my temp reaches 100.6 I have to call the cancer center. They give you so much information on what to look out for, now I understand the notebook. Great resource. The dietician also came in and covered everything about maintaining your weight. Since your immune system is already low from the chemo you don't want to lose weight as sthis will also weaken your immune system. So everything I have been doing for years has just went out the window. No light, fat-free, sugar free, etc.,from now on. They also encourage drinking juice as well.

Well, Tomorrow is the day, this time tomorrow it will all be behind me.

Just for Today

Just for today I will be happy.

This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Happiness is from within, it is not a matter of externals.

Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.

I will take my family, my business and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

Just for today I will take care of my body.

I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind.

I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will I will exercise my soul in three ways.

I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don't want to do, as William Janmes suggests, just for exercise.

Just for today I will be agreeable.

I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, not find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

Just for today I will try to live through this day only.

Not to tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do things for twelve hourse that would appal me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will have a program.

I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax.

In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid.

Especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.

-- Sybil F. Partridge

Tuesday May 11, 2010

Yes, another day I am awake before 5:30 am. So I have already enjoyed my first cup of coffee and started the dishwasher. Received a facebook message from a friend of mine. She can always make me smile. So amazing on how God puts people in our lives and / or puts us places to meet these people. I have always believed nothing is by chance or luck. There is a reason.

Last night I did not make it to my Mary Kay Meeting. I was not feeling well at all. So I laid in the bed waiting for my meds to kick. So Carter and I watched or shall i say started watching Night at the Museum and we both fell asleep.

Outside of night feeling well last night, I did pretty good most the day. I got alot accomplished, work and house wise. Today is another busy day. Have a few errands to run, then go to my chemo class. A dear friend of mine called me yesterday, she has restarted chemo last week. She called me and what an encouragement she is to me. I told her she looked so beautiful at church on Sunday. So if she can look that good after chemo, I should have nothing to worry about. Friends are the greatest thing. They seem to know when to call you and all the right things to say. I am so thankful and blessed to have all the people in my life. Anyways she suggested that Wayne come with me to my chemo class. That way he is also aware of the side effects and different things to look out for. For all my praying people out there I do have a prayer request - Please pray that my body accepts the chemo fine and I will not have any side effects or just mild ones.

How many of you have taken the time to go ahead and schedule your annual pap? Especially if it has been awhile. Just a thought for you, I did not think I had to worry about cancer. My family has history of Heart Disease and Diabetes not cancer. Do your self a favor and make the appointment. Then it will be behind you. Also, don't just get the results get a copy and start a file. Also, remember to ask them to try to get endocervical cells. No woman should have to go through this. Prevention and early detection is the key.

I will let you know how my chemo class goes. Have a super morning.

Monday May 10, 2010

Such a beautiful day. The lake is so pretty. I haven't been outside today except to run Carter to school. Wayne went fishing today, so it has been a quiet Monday. I have enjoyed having the house to myself. Got alot of cleaning done. Today is my last free day for awhile. Tomorrow I have to attend a chemo class. This should help me understand what is going to take place for the next 5 weeks. Then Wednesday I will be gone all day. Seems like Wednesday is the day I will have chemo and radiation. The chemo is scheduled for 7 hours. My radiation treatments should only take 15-20 minutes each day.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day. I feel I am so blessed, so thankful for my 3 beautiful children. Who knew when I was 39 God would bless me with another child. I knew I did not want any more children, but He seemed to know what was best for us.

Wayne is unloading the candles from yesterday. I am so thankful for him too. Wow, he has really stepped up to the plate and has been so helpful. He is a great man and the best husband.

Well gotta run and finish getting ready for Church.

Saturday 5/8/10

A great day. My Brother and his wife stayed the night with us. We all got up early and loaded the trucks for the Peacock Festival in Pavo GA. Beautiful morning. Arrived in Pavo the guys unloaded the vehicles and set up the tent. Vicky and I set up my booth. The candles were a big hit. The morning started off slow, but that is good gives you time to organize and get your breathe. I love having a booth at theses festivals. I enjoy meeting the people. This is a day I actually get away from everything, even my thoughts are busy with the activities of the day.


We finished around 3 today, packed everything up and headed for home. I was so tired I thought I was going to have to have my brother drive us home. Once we got home, Donnie and Vicky headed home and Carter and Wayne headed to the lake for a little swim. I headed to bed for a nap. Didn't nap long but it was a nice rest.

I did a little crocheting tonight. Considering making dishclothes. Will see how they turn out. I am so tired so I think I will call it a night.

Journey Through - Friday May 7, 2010

Wayne and Carter were off to school this morning,Carter had field day at school. Me off to the Cancer Center for more new adventures on my journey thru this horrible disease. On my way to the Cancer Center I cried all the way. I don't understand one minute I am fine the next crying. I am still only taking 1/2 of xnax .5. Probably should take the full dose. Just want to be able to do what I need to get done in my (so called) right mindl. My appt was for 8:30 am and I am still waiting for them to call me back. Really no clue yet on what today is all about, they tried to explain to me the other day but I vagley remember. When I get thru with this simulation appt I will meet with the Medical Oconologist. When I am done I am meeting with a dear friend of mine and her 2 sons for lunch. I did watch a couple of good movies last night, the ending of Mama Mia (I love Myrl Streep) then watched the Proposal with Sandra Bullock.

I ordered the movie 'It's Complicated" can't wait to sit and watch this, I also ordered a couple of oldies. Do you remember "Ma & Pa Kettle" I love a good comedy. I believe laughter is good medicine. I worked a little bit last night on my candle stuff for the Peacock Festival Saturday.

I have com to realize appts don't mean anything it is now after 9 and I still have not been called back. So this means my appt at 10:30 will be late as well.

Finally got thru everything a little after 1 pm. Did get to make it to my lunch date. I enjoyed it so much. So good to see friends. Lunch was awesome. Afterwards walked around the mall some.

Going to make the best of these next few days. On Tuesday I will attend a chemo class at 9 am. Then the fun begins on Wednesday I have to be at the Cancer Center at 7:45 am for blood work, then they will start my chemotherapy along with my first radiation treatment. I will be at the Cancer Center for 7 hours every Wednesday. My Radiation treatments are scheduled everyday at 11:45.

Journey Thru Cancer Thursday 5/6/10

I have come to realize I no longer need a clock. My body tells me when 4 hours is up and 12 hours. My body wakes me way before the alarm is set to go off. I told my husband yesterday I am officially a pill popper now. If I don't take my medication consistantly my body screams in pain.

No woman should ever be told she has cervical cancer if she has received pap smears on a regular basis. Amazing isn't it. You can tell I have done some homework. If I am going to be given a diagnosis of course I am going to research it. When we go for our annual exam it is one of the most dreaded things we do, but when we do take our time to go and to go thru such an exam we "EXPECT" the person doing our pap to get it right! We as a patient should not have to go in and say, okay, make sure you get enough sampling and by the way make sure you sample my endocervix area - the transitional zone. Could you imagine if we walked in and made those demands while having our paps. Well guess what, that is exactly what we should be doing. My cancer is endocervical it started up in the transitional zone. Regular paps missed it. Back in 2004 I was pregnant and I had my first ob appt and you know they have to get the pap in. I had a miscarriage, that weekend (of course on a Saturday) I rec'd a letter in the mail (not certified and no phone call) stating I must contact the office immediately I had an abnormal pap. Well needless to say within 2 weeks I had a colpo done and the doctor said this can't be right your cervix does not match the pap so he had to take 2 different biopsys. They came back normal. So I of course changed doctors, because I felt the pap was not mine they made a mistake and somebody was walking around with a class 4 pap and they did not know it. I had 3 paps after that they all came back normal. So I must have been right it was not mine to begin with, now right at 6 years later I have endocervical cancer. I am angry!!!!! Why? Now when I read that pap (yes I have requested all my paps from over the years) it states endocervical cells were present. This meant nothing to me years ago, but to a medical provider it should have meant something. All my other paps did not ever mention endocervical cells, never again until 2 - 3 weeks ago did someone decide to take a sampling from the endocervical area. So you see, I could have had a hysterectomy probably years ago and been cancer free. Now I am a stage 3 and have had to go thru so much pain and so many doctors to get diagnosised. Oh yea do you know how many times I was told oh it is perimenopause. Yes I was going thru menopause so I just needed to get thru it. I tell you this listen to your body, if you know something is not right you are probably right get a second third forth opinion. I know I was beginning to think I was a hypochondriac because every day I had new symptoms.

Wednesday 5/5/10

My Journey Thru -
Well out the door I ran this morning going to meet witht the oncologist today and maybe learn something new. The staff was very nice. The nurse was just as understanding as could be. Meet with doctor and he did his exam. Wayne did get here in time for our consultatin. His findings were the same as the Dr in Savannah. He says the tumor measures about 7 cm and that is of course what is causing my pain. My treatment plan should consist 4 - 5 weeks of radiation daily, and at the end of that time I will have the internal radiation done. This is implanted surgically I will be admitted to the hospital and will under this treatment will not have guest due to the radiation. Again I have been told once I complete this treatment I should be healed. Even though we don't have the PET scan results we would go ahead with treatment unless the results from the PET scan come back something different and then we will have to change our plan of treatment.

He said I could continue with my daily activities just know I will probably not have energy for anything extra. Of course there will be side effects to the treatment but they will give medication as needed and able.

My blood pressure was 144/99 this morning so I hoping that will go down.

Right now I am calming down. Every since I left there this morning, I cannot explain why but know I am just angry. I guess it is a normal emotion. But I will be glad when it leaves. Maybe when I am through with the PET scan today. Just feel like everything in my life right now is on hold and in a complete mess.

I go back Friday to have my simulation visit. That is were they get everything ready for your radiation treatment, which should start next week. I will also meet the Medical Oncologist for my consultation on Friday as well I guess to discuss my chemo. This also happens to be my Son's Field Day at school. So Dad will have to attend this one.

Well I guess I need to go and find something to do (which I have plenty) to keep me busy till time for my PET scan.

I did get to lay down for a few minutes before having to leave for my appt. I arrived at 2 pm (my scheduled appt. Finally got called back at 2:44 to Radiology and was put in the waiting room there, 3:01 called back to have IV port put in, then back to the waiting room. At 3:44 finally going to have PET scan. They injected the medicine into my IV port then took out the port. I then had to sit and wait 45 minutes. There was another lady in there and we started talking then we were told we were not allowed to talk to each other. I never found out why. After 45 minutes I had my PET scan done it looks alot like the CT scan machine you have to lay still and not move, I had to be still for 23 minutes.

Now I have to wait 2 days or more for the results.

Tuesday May 4, 2010

Spent most of the day working. They called and changed my appt from 9 in the morning to 7:30 to see the Oncologist. So a change in plans, Wayne will take little man to school then come and join me. They also called to confirm my PET Scan. Well no dessert after dinner tonight, Breakfast can be Eggs and Bacon and water (no coffee) they say be prepared it will take a couple of hours so bring something to read. (Would love to take my laptop) This will be a great opportunity to get caught up on some reading maybe get a nap who knows. Now that I have been told I need to avoid carbs till after the scan, I will be craving them like crazy.

I have began a new Journey

On April 15, 2010 I received that call that no one wants to receive that started me on my new Journey. My doctor's office called me to give me my results of my biopsy, yes it is cancer. I don't remember much more about the conversation. I thinking not me. The nurse on the other end is explaining the results and then the next step. I needed to schedule a cone biopsy.

A little history, I had been in severe pain since November. Started going to the doctors in December was diagnosed with IBS and prescribed medication that cost $400 and of course the pain was still bad medication did not fix the problem. Continued to go back to the doctors. In January my family and I went to Hilton Head SC and I was misserable because I was in so much pain. My pain was in my left lower back. I would explain I hurt in my back but it is not my back. It is like having a raw sore on the inside. Of course no one listened. I went to the ER in January the dr there was determined to dx with back pain. She failed to take the time to investigate my symptoms - irregular bleeding, difficultly urinating, severe cramping and severe low back pain. She discharged me with degenerative arthritis.

I kept on my pursuit of finding out why I was in so much pain. Every day is a challenge. I also have a 4 year old son. I was finging it hard just to do anything because I hurt or I was tired from not getting any sleep due to the pain.

Finally we have a diagnosis. I have seen a GYN Oncologist who states it is stage 3 endocervical cancer. Good news he says it is curable. I cannot have surgery because it would not give a clear margin away from the cancer. He said I should be starting my treatment this week (this was on 4/27/10) I am to have 6 to 8 weeks of daily radiation also an implant for radiation along with weekly treatments of chemo for 5 weeks. Today is May 4th and of course the treatments have not started yet. I do have my appt with the oncologist tomorrow but it is not to start treatment it is for the assessment. I also will have a PET Scan at 2.

I contacted the Mary Kay Ash Foundation and told them of my diagnosis they sent me back a beautiful email, then not even a week later they sent me a box in the mail full of information. See as of yet no one has really explained to me what is going on except for what I have googled. In this box was literature on Radiation and you, Chemo and you, A Helping Hand Resource guide for people with cancer, What you need to know about cancer and many other items. Also a beautiful heart pin lapel with wings in it.

You have to stay positive when you are given this diagnosis. I have to fight daily with the what if's. I went to my Mary Kay meeting last night. No better place to be except around a group of positive happy people. When I left to come home the pain had hit me so bad I did not know if I was going to make it home.