Top of Mind: 7 Ways to Boost Self-Motivation

Top of Mind: 7 Ways to Boost Self-Motivation

Happiness Challenge

RULE # 1  Do not depend on anyone for YOUR Happiness!!!!!

The Best Garden and Yard Ideas

I seen these this morning and had to share.  They just made me smile and seem to be so simple to and fun to do.  Enjoy!!!!

7 Ways Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

7 Ways Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

JACQUELINE WHITMORE

CONTRIBUTOR

Author, Business Etiquette Expert
and
Founder of
The Protocol School of Palm Beach

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Now picture yourself, approaching a co-worker or a prospective client, walking into a board meeting or a party. How do you look? What message do you communicate the moment you walk into a room?

What are your eyes, hands and feet saying? What information can people gather about you before you ever say a word? Regardless of your competence in the field, your body language is a huge factor in determining how others respond to you.

Here are seven ways you can use body language to show confidence and win respect.

1. Offer a genuine smile.

A genuine smile not only stimulates your own sense of wellbeing, it also tells those around you that you are approachable, cooperative, and trustworthy. Instead of wearing out those cheeks with a permanent (and fake) smile on your face, try on a more neutral but friendly expression until you make eye contact with or meet someone. Wait until someone introduces himself before you flash your pearly whites. This will make you more approachable and make the other person feel like your smile is just for them.

2. Be authoritative.

Even if you are friendly and down to earth, your relaxed attitude should never overshadow the fact that you are in control. When you are introduced to someone, stand tall, extend your hand, and introduce yourself by saying your first and last name.

To sound authoritative, speak in a normal, conversational tone. And if you are a female, watch that your voice doesn’t rise at the end of a sentence as if you are asking a question or seeking approval. When stating your opinion, use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end.

3. Be approachable.

If you are the type of leader who has a naturally-authoritative demeanor, others may be intimidated by you. Reduce your intimidation factor by avoiding intense gazes and stern facial expressions. Show that you are engaged by sitting in a relaxed position. Lean forward when someone is talking to you. Avoid leaning back with your hands behind your head and propping your feet up on your desk. When standing, uncross your arms and keep your hands off your hips and out of your pockets.

4. Demonstrate control.

There are times when everyone feels unsure, anxious, impatient, frustrated, bored or nervous. Avoid the temptation to check your text messages, take phone calls, or check your watch. Instead, focus on those who are speaking by turning your head and torso to face them directly and by making eye contact. Avoid actions such as nail biting, pen chewing, finger or foot tapping, pacing and fidgeting.

5. Remove barriers.

Physical obstructions are especially detrimental to collaborative efforts. Take away anything that blocks your view or forms a barrier between you and the person with whom you are speaking. When someone steps into your office to say hello, step out from behind your desk to shake his or her hand.

During a networking event or coffee break, don’t hold your beverage in a way that blocks your body or distances you from others. According to the book, The Silent Language of Leaders by Carol Kinsey Gorman, Ph.D., the higher you hold your coffee, the more of a physical barrier you put up between yourself and the person you’re talking to. Hold it closer to your waist when you want to seem open and engaged.

6. Show empathy.

Being in charge is demanding on your time, however, you should always give others your full attention when they speak with you. Think before speaking instead of rushing the conversation or finishing someone’s sentences. The greatest leaders know how to be patient and maintain control while showing empathy and respect.

7. Control facial expressions.

Your facial expressions have the power to motivate others to give you their best or can totally destroy their morale and drive to succeed. Avoid negative gestures like eye rolling, brow knitting, nose twitching or mocking grins. Be mindful of the message your face sends.

Nonverbal behavior is the most crucial element of communication. Studies by Dr. Albert Mehrabian, indicate that 55 percent of communication is conveyed though facial expressions, gestures and posture, 38 percent is conveyed through tone and only 7 percent comes through the actual words. If you follow these simple and powerful body language tips, you’ll increase your nonverbal impact, both personally and professionally.

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

It is so hard to move forward and to be completely happy after divorcing a narcissistic spouse when there are children involved.  No matter how hard you try, how much therapy or how positive you try to be.  They break you down, they find your weak spot and hold you hostage.  You try to stay optimistic and not let them get to you, but your children are your weakness.  They were able to victimize you, so you know what they are capable of doing with your children and there is no way to explain it.

You teach your child to love both parents because that is the right thing to do.  You put your child in therapy to help them cope with the divorce and more, really knowing that there is much more to it.

What Is Inside The Walmart Beauty Box?

Ever Wonder what really comes in the Walmart beauty box?  Is it really worth it?  Well I decided I would give it a try and see if it is really worth it.  I received an email yesterday morning stating my beauty box was on its way, and yesterday afternoon I received my Walmart beauty box in the mail.   They will ship out every three months.  So I will probably stay for the next one just to see what comes.  All I can say is for $5 it maybe something you will use or maybe something you might not use, but maybe you can donate to a shelter, give as stocking stuffers for Christmas.  The possibilities are endless.

EARTH ANGEL/ JOHNNY B. GOODE -MICHAEL J. FOX & COLDPLAY: HEAD FULL OF DR...

Tubing Down Itchatucknee Springs

       Sunday we went to the Itchatucknee Springs State Park in Florida and went tubing.  This was the first time for my son.  He had the best time.  The water was so clear you could see the bottom.  So pretty.  A great day of relaxing and floating down the river, while my son was able to enjoy looking under the water and see fish and turtles.  A great adventure for him.  

Beauty | Maybelline Sensational Mascara

Baby Balboa' imitates 'Rocky II' training montage

I Won, Thank you Foxwoods Resort Casino

My Son and I were outside this morning enjoying the day when the UPS truck pulls up our drive way. She hands me a package and gives our dog a dog treat.  The package was from Foxwoods Resort Casino, I told Carter, wow this is the prize I won.  I had entered a "Text to Win" and yes WON!!!  A BIG THANK YOU to Foxwoods Resort Casino.

Find Yourself Explaining Away, Making Excuses....... STOPPPP!!!!!

When my older children were younger I use to make excuses for their dad as to why he was so hurtful, hateful.  I would say "he doesn't know how to love" "no one ever showed him love" "We have to show him how to love".  Sound familiar?  All your co workers so excited about the weekend, on the inside you were thinking I can't wait for Monday.  Saturday morning comes you wake up in a great mood but don't dare move, you wait to see how your spouse wakes up, if they wake up in a good mood it's great (very rarely, but you are always hopeful) if they wake up in a foul mood you are planning your strategy on how you are going to tend to their every need to make them happy so you can make it through the weekend and have some kind of I know what but something.  

Scooby Doo????

Signs Of a Toxic Relationship

Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them

Posted by Hey Sigmund

We have all had toxic people dust us with their poison. Sometimes it’s more like a drenching. Difficult people are drawn to the reasonable ones and all of us have likely had (or have) at least one person in our lives who have us bending around ourselves like barbed wire in endless attempts to please them – only to never really get there.

Their damage lies in their subtlety and the way they can engender that classic response, ‘It’s not them, it’s me.’ They can have you questioning your ‘over-reactiveness’, your ‘oversensitivity’, your ‘tendency to misinterpret’. If you’re the one who’s continually hurt, or the one who is constantly adjusting your own behaviour to avoid being hurt, then chances are that it’s not you and it’s very much them.

Being able to spot their harmful behaviour is the first step to minimising their impact. You might not be able to change what they do, but you can change what you do with it, and any idea that toxic somebody in your life might have that they can get away with it.

There are plenty of things toxic people do to manipulate people and situations to their advantage. Here are 12 of them. Knowing them will help you to avoid falling under the influence:

1. They’ll keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting.

   They’ll be completely lovely one day and the next you’ll be wondering what you’ve done to upset them. There often isn’t anything obvious that will explain the change of attitude – you just know something isn’t right. They might be prickly, sad, cold or cranky and when you ask if there’s something wrong, the answer will likely be ‘nothing’ – but they’ll give you just enough  to let you know that there’s something. The ‘just enough’ might be a heaving sigh, a raised eyebrow, a cold shoulder. When this happens, you might find yourself making excuses for them or doing everything you can to make them happy. See why it works for them?
   Stop trying to please them. Toxic people figured out a long time ago that decent people will go to extraordinary lengths to keep the people they care about happy. If your attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop. Walk away and come back when the mood has shifted. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings. If you have done something unknowingly to hurt somebody, ask, talk about it and if need be, apologise. At any rate, you shouldn’t have to guess.

2. They’ll manipulate.

   If you feel as though you’re the only one contributing to the relationship, you’re probably right. Toxic people have a way of sending out the vibe that you owe them something. They also have a way of taking from you or doing something that hurts you, then maintaining they were doing it all for you. This is particularly common in workplaces or relationships where the balance of power is out. ‘I’ve left that six months’ worth of filing for you. I thought you’d appreciate the experience and the opportunity to learn your way around the filing cabinets.’ Or, ‘I’m having a dinner party. Why don’t you bring dinner. For 10. It’ll give you a chance to show off those kitchen skills. K?’
   You don’t owe anybody anything. If it doesn’t feel like a favour, it’s not. 

3. They won’t own their feelings.

   Rather than owning their own feelings, they’ll act as though the feelings are yours. It’s called projection, as in projecting their feelings and thoughts onto you. For example, someone who is angry but won’t take responsibility for it might accuse you of being angry with them. It might be as subtle as, ‘Are you okay with me?’ or a bit more pointed, ‘Why are you angry at me,’ or, ‘You’ve been in a bad mood all day.’
   You’ll find yourself justifying and defending and often this will go around in circles – because it’s not about you. Be really clear on what’s yours and what’s theirs. If you feel as though you’re defending yourself too many times against accusations or questions that don’t fit, you might be being projected on to. You don’t have to explain, justify or defend yourself or deal with a misfired accusation. Remember that.

4. They’ll make you prove yourself to them.

   They’ll regularly put you in a position where you have to choose between them and something else – and you’ll always feel obliged to choose them. Toxic people will wait until you have a commitment, then they’ll unfold the drama.  ‘If you really cared about me you’d skip your exercise class and spend time with me.’  The problem with this is that enough will never be enough. Few things are fatal – unless it’s life or death, chances are it can wait.

5. 4. They never apologise. 

      They’ll lie before they ever apologise, so there’s no point arguing. They’ll twist the story, change the way it happened and retell it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own nonsense.
      People don’t have to apologise to be wrong. And you don’t need an apology to move forward. Just move forward – without them. Don’t surrender your truth but don’t keep the argument going. There’s just no point. Some people want to be right more than they want to be happy and you have better things to do than to provide fodder for the right-fighters.

   6. They’ll be there in a crisis but they’ll never ever share your joy.

      They’ll find reasons your good news isn’t great news. The classics: About a promotion – ‘The money isn’t that great for the amount of work you’ll be doing.’ About a holiday at the beach – ‘Well it’s going to be very hot. Are you sure you want to go?’ About being made Queen of the Universe – ‘Well the Universe isn’t that big you know and I’m pretty sure you won’t get tea breaks.’ Get the idea? Don’t let them dampen you or shrink you down to their size. You don’t need their approval anyway – or anyone else’s for that matter.

   7. They’ll leave a conversation unfinished – and then they’ll go offline.

      They won’t pick up their phone. They won’t answer texts or emails. And in between rounds of their voicemail message, you might find yourself playing the conversation or argument over and over in your head, guessing about the status of the relationship, wondering what you’ve done to upset them, or whether they’re dead, alive or just ignoring you – which can sometimes all feel the same. People who care about you won’t let you go on feeling rubbish without attempting to sort it out. That doesn’t mean you’ll sort it out of course, but at least they’ll try. Take it as a sign of their investment in the relationship if they leave you ‘out there’ for lengthy sessions.

   8. They’ll use non-toxic words with a toxic tone.

      The message might be innocent enough but the tone conveys so much more. Something like, ‘What did you do today?’ can mean different things depending on the way it’s said. It could mean anything from ‘So I bet you did nothing – as usual,’ to ‘I’m sure your day was better than mine. Mine was awful. Just awful. And you didn’t even notice enough to ask.’ When you question the tone, they’ll come back with, ‘All I said was what did you do today,’ which is true, kind of, not really.

   9. They’ll bring irrelevant detail into a conversation.

      When you’re trying to resolve something important to you, toxic people will bring in irrelevant detail from five arguments ago. The problem with this is that before you know it, you’re arguing about something you did six months ago, still defending yourself, rather than dealing with the issue at hand. Somehow, it just always seems to end up about what you’ve done to them. 

   10. They’ll make it about the way you’re talking, rather than what you’re talking about.

       You might be trying to resolve an issue or get clarification and before you know it, the conversation/ argument has moved away from the issue that was important to you and on to the manner in which you talked about it – whether there is any issue with your manner or not. You’ll find yourself defending your tone, your gestures, your choice of words or the way you belly moves when you breathe – it doesn’t even need to make sense. Meanwhile, your initial need is well gone on the pile of unfinished conversations that seems to grow bigger by the day.

   11. 6. They exaggerate.

          ‘You always …’ ‘You never …’ It’s hard to defend yourself against this form of manipulation. Toxic people have a way of drawing on the one time you didn’t or the one time you did as evidence of your shortcomings. Don’t buy into the argument. You won’t win. And you don’t need to.

       7. They are judgemental.

          We all get it wrong sometimes but toxic people will make sure you know it. They’ll judge you and take a swipe at your self-esteem suggesting that you’re less than because you made a mistake. We’re all allowed to get it wrong now and then, but unless we’ve done something that affects them nobody has the right to stand in judgement.
       Knowing the favourite go-to’s for toxic people will sharpen your radar, making the manipulations easier to spot and easier to name. More importantly, if you know the characteristic signs of a toxic person, you’ll have a better chance of catching yourself before you tie yourself in double knots trying to please them.
       Some people can’t be pleased and some people won’t be good for you – and many times that will have nothing to do with you. You can always say no to unnecessary crazy. Be confident and own your own faults, your quirks and the things that make you shine. You don’t need anyone’s approval but remember if someone is working hard to manipulate, it’s because probably because they need yours. You don’t always have to give it but if you do, don’t let the cost be too high.